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Letters II
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No Sex in this one either. Well, maybe..
This is a letter I wrote a couple years to my first lover.
And
yes, I did lose my virginity the next night! The names have
been changed
to protect the guilty...
I'm always looking
for critiques (even flames!!) so feel free to
write to me at jash@kuhub.cc.ukans.edu... I have no problem
with people
e-mailing my stuff around, as long as my name remains with it.
And for those
of you who suffer under the delusion that women
engineers can't possibly be sensual...
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Andrew. My lover.
I'm writing this on the day before our date. If
you are reading this, it would mean that Friday night went really
well and I
can tell you how I'm feeling tonight...
I once told you
I don't blush. I guess I was wrong because I'm doing
it now. Its not easy for my to tell people what I'm feeling.
That opens up
a part of me that can be VERY easily hurt.. That's why I only
share myself
with people I truly trust... Even then, I have been betrayed
more times than I
care to think about. If I've frustrated you into the past by
not responding
the way you would have liked me too... you now know the reason
why.
Its Andrew that
I'm writing to. Not Andy, my roommates' friend.
Not Drew, my special friend, but you, the man I made love to
last night...
How can I describe what I felt when you told me what you wanted
to do to me
last night on the phone... I couldn't say a word in return,
not even show
what I was feeling because of the various people in the room.
How could I
let you know what I was seeing in my mind as you were seducing
me on the
phone. You and me, alone in your room, both fully dressed because
we
know we'll have the rest of the night to enjoy...
Your hands are
sliding up and down my sleeves. You're looking into
my eyes, but I can't tell what you're thinking or wanting. I've
never been
able to tell from your voice or even from your eyes.. It confuses
me a lot
because I'm never sure if you mean what you're saying.. But
I'm taking a
chance now.
I put my arms
around your neck and pull you to me for a long, slow
wet kiss. You pull me close and I snuggle up because I just
love to feel
your whole body flush against mine. Your hands are running all
over me now.
feeling me through my clothes. My lips are on your neck, dropping
soft,
light kisses.. My mind isn't on that however, because I intend
to drive
you crazy with passion before the night is over. My fingers
move to the
first button on your shirt. It slips out of its hole easily.
I want to
tear the damn thing off you but I have to be patient because
I want this to
last forever..
You undo the first
button on my shirt, taking your time and breathing
into my ear. You KNOW exactely what that does to me and you're
enjoying
every little move I'm making...
Then Kathy walks
into the room. "Do you mind if I use your
computer now, Anne?" I came back to earth with a crash.
You've stopped
talking on the other end. "Sure, Kath.", I say, trying
to look like
we're talking about anything but what we are.. She leaves.
I turn back
to the phone. "So, Andy. Keep talking." And you
do. Hard thing to
believe is that I can continue where we left off.
You're telling
me that you wish that your hands are rubbing up
and down my arms. Thats what the Andrew in my mind is doing.
You're saying
that you're hands are coming up to cup my breasts. Thats what
you're doing.
You tell me that my nipples are hardening in your palms. They
are.
Suddenly with all my being, I wish that you were here with me,
because I'm
getting turned on and you don't even know it. My breathing is
faster and
my stomach muscles are just clenching and unclenching. Its a
scary but wildly
exciting feeling. To calm myself, I start rubbing my leg against
the couch,
just the way I would be rubbing it against yours if you were
with me.
You're telling
me that your hand is going down over my pelvis and
into my pubic hair. If I could have talked, I would have told
you that I
was getting moist.. But I just kept silent. You're parting
my legs, just a
little. I gulp. Then you widen them a little more. Oh God!
I feel so
open. Self-preservation says that I close them NOW! But of
course, I don't.
You tell me that your fingers are sliding along my lips. I can
almost feel
them. Then your fingers dip into me. I stiffle a moan and cast
an anxious
look at Jen. Guilt suddenly overwhelms me because she looks
so stern and I'm
suddenly positive that she knows what we're doing.. But i don't
want you to
stop...
Oh God! Somebody's
just asked me a question about saving a file. I'm
surprised I sound so normal because I can tell you that I'm getting
aroused
just writing this..
..But i don't
want you to stop... What i WANT is to have you in me
NOW. To feel myself stretch to fit you. I want to be able to
cry out because
I feel so full of you. I want to know what it feels like when
you start
moving in and out of me. I think I'm going to go insane because
I know I
can't do that with you.
I think I should
stop now. I feel so drained. I don't think there's
enough strength in me to continue. All I know is that if things
go the way I
hope, you'll be reading this soon. Good-night lover.
Anne |