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Sue is Gone
I am not an actor
but I've been on stage since she left. I don't know if you
understand what I'm saying. See. It's this feeling stuck to everything
I try
like a thick, second skin, that I can somehow not only wear but
also see. It's
like reading the script of some kind of weird play that goes,
on and on, with
no apparent end, and everyone involved knows, by some misterious
process, what
to say and do.
If I go to the
Club on a Friday evening, the whole crew will be there before
I
make my entrance: lights, costumes, sound, cast,...They look
so natural and yet
I know it's been rehearsed a thousand times before. My lines
will stretch out
slowly but firmly in a precise sequence:
"Hi, guys. What's going on?"
"Fine, fine, and yourself?"
"Oh! Thanks"
"Well, I'll get myself a beer. Stout, please"
"Oh! Nice to meet you. My name is Allan."
"Sorry. Would you repeat it?"
"Yeah. It's been wonderful lately. Too bad it changes for
the worst on week-
ends"
How many times
have I said the same predictable phrases? How many different
intonations and inflexions have I used? How many Fridays have
I ground under
the stone of routine and emptiness? Fuck! I miss her!
You see. It's not
only her presence. It's something more subtle running in my
veins. It's like a promise. Something you can not touch, nor
see, but you
know it's there. It's the drive to fully know her and to see
the world through
her eyes. The possibility to dive in her and see myself immersed
in the
whirlwind of her passion. The need to possess, not only her body
but also her
spirit. Do you know what I mean? She was real. She was an ever
changing
picture, diffuse, impossible to capture, but she was tangible.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm becoming paranoid...She haunted me.
How did I know
her? I think I've told you before. Well, anyway...Do you
remember last year when I was talking about doing some wind surfing
on the
Caribbean? I finally did. Two weeks in Cancun. Well, this particular
resort I
went to is not that expensive, considering what you get. You're
right. And on
top of that, the beach over there is just wonderful for sailing.
Yeah!. Well,
at the beginning I wasn't that sure. After all, going on your
own in those
places is always so unpredictable. But Mark's visit influenced
me. The thing
is that I met her there.
The first night
in Cancun there was a welcome party. Some sort of buffet and
music and mingling with the hosts and the rest of the guests.
I was introduced
to her by the wind surfing instructor. Did you ever meet Charlie?
Yeah. Well,
Mark told me about him being there, that was another reason for
my visit. The
thing is that she was interested in learning how to wind surf
and Charlie
mentioned my name and one thing followed the other. We chat a
little and I
made some jokes and she laughed. We found out that we lived in
the same city,
which was a surprisingly nice coincidence. I liked her immediately.
Why he
didn't go after her? Well, I think Charlie had some other person
in mind that
night.
After the party
I went to the disco. I've had a couple of drinks, so, it
wasn't that bad. Just enough gas to help me release the accumulated
stress of
the last months. She was sitting with some people I vaguely
remembered seeing
somewhere. Maybe at the party or at the airport...Why her? It's
hard to tell.
Blame it on my hormones or some trauma from childhood. I don't
know. She
wasn't utterly gorgeous. Pretty, yes, but nothing out of this
world. Maybe it
was something far beyond the physical...Well, you know me. I
wouldn't had gone
for her if she wasn't attractive. Yeah. I know. But I'm not going
to feed
myself horse-shit. Not at this point in my life.
Did I ever show
you her picture? Oh! She was like 5'7" or maybe 5'8".
Slim.
She had wonderful legs. Brown hair, blue eyes. What attracted
me was the aura
she had. It was like if she didn't belong there. Oh! No. I didn't
mean that.
It was more like if I could read some clues on her moves, or
on her skin. She
was talking and laughing but I sensed that she had this feeling
of
awkwardness. She wasn't completely at ease. There was this tension...Well,
I've learned the hard way, you know.
I approached the
group and after the introductions was offered a place at
their table. After some chatting I asked her for a dance and
she refused. She
said something about her being clumsy. Well, that was what I
needed to make
my night. I displayed all of my charm and politeness to convince
her that she
should dance with me. I told her that that was the first lesson
of her wind
surfing training. A few drinks later, after some bargaining and
a few
intelligent compliments displayed along our conversation, she
agreed. The
minute I hold her close to me something clicked for the two of
us. I knew that
she felt the same. Isn't that amazing? I can't explain how but
I just knew.
There we were.
The dance floor was packed with people and yet we were alone.
At first we talked a little but when the slow pieces started
we just
concentrated on the dancing. I could feel her warm and flexible
body held
against mine. Her soft breasts heaving tight against my chest,
following the
waves of a mystic song. I still remember her fragrance. Fresh
and crisp like
spring water and blooming orange trees. I could feel the delicate
texture of
her skin in my hands and forearms. I found myself surrendering
to desire. I
could sense it growing from the depths of my soul, sweet, soft
and familiar,
invading my chest and limbs and filling my sex, slowly but steadily.
Somehow
I guessed that she was feeling the same because she didn't back
off. By then
I had this bulging tightness in my crotch and she was rubbing
it gently and
yet firmly with her pubis, with every step we made.
Time and space
disappeared under this spell, helped by the dimness of the
disco. I don't know how much time we
spent there but I recall her moving her head to make our cheeks
meet. The feel
of her face was so smooth and delightful that I felt compelled
to kiss her.
With my first kiss she shuddered. I said something to apologize
but she didn't
let me finish. "It's allright" She said and pressed
herself closer to me. And
that was all that I needed to know. I gave her slow and tender
kisses on her
cheeks, brow, eyelids, chin, and nose, before reaching for her
lips. These
were full and sweet as cherries. I kissed them and sent the tip
of my tongue
to explore, gently probing every corner of her lips. I slid my
tongue inside
to taste her beautiful mouth. She joined my kiss with her naughty
tongue,
touching mine lightly. With every brush I could see stars exploding
in my
brain and in my groin. Then she sucked my tongue in full, making
swirling,
and delightful movements. Now my tongue backed off and hers trailed
across my
lips and I admitted it in my mouth, touching it again with mine.
At this point
my legs were stiff but hardly as my penis. All that was important
on Earth
that night was to possess her, to make her mine, to melt myself
inside of her.
I went for her
left earlobe, kissing and nibbling it while our breath was
getting heavier and heavier. I realized that we weren't dancing
anymore. She
was rubbing her sex against mine with delicate, small, circular
movements of
her hips and she was whispering incoherent words that took me
a while to
undestand. She wanted me. Just as much as I wanted her. She told
me to go to
her room.
We left the disco
and climbed the steps up to her place. I recall that vividly.
She held my hand and was guiding me. At a point in time, when
we reached the
terrace, I stopped her and we kissed passionately. My hands exploring
her
shoulders, back and buttocks, while she trembled with desire
and licked my
tongue frantically, presssing her body against mine. The sky
was dark blue and
some stars were shining
timidly, afraid perhaps of giving a more intense light and reveal
our lust to
the world. It was something coming from the roots of our souls.
We wanted each
other. We had to have each other's body or die. It was a scream
coming beyond
reason and reality. And it was saying: now!
You know me. You
know what I've always thought of single's bars and one night
stands, and yet I was there with this stranger. No. No. I don't
think it was
the alcohol. It was more than that. That night we
had to make love together. I felt the call on my bones and I
think she felt
it too. She was the first and only woman on Earth for
me. I was there for her. I would have given up anything in my
life in order to
get her. She had haunted me, and I wasn't about to fight the
feeeling.
Oh! Sorry. Sure,
sure...Do you want me to order another Scotch for you? |