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Chris...
Dear Chris,
I know I should
not be writing this letter to you, but it is the only
way I can get my message across to you. I have been going through
this
for the last six years trying to decide to write this letter
or not,
but i cannot stop myself now, so here it goes. You know somewhat
what
type of person I am, but I really have two personalities, one
for home
and the other for work. You pretty well have to do this to keep
sane
working at Overland, you know this.
For the last
six years, ever since the first day I worked at Overland,
I have had stronger and stronger feelings for you and what type
of
person you are. You are a very special freind to me, and have
made a large
influence to me and my life in the time I have known you. You
probably
know that I am not too good at relationships with woman, you
can tell
this from my last little stint with a Girl named "Tracey".
You are really
the only woman I have had as a man- woman realtionship with in
the last
few years. I guess my problems really started when I met this
girl named
Dawn, you remember her of course. When I was somewhat seeing
her, I could
not help myself from falling in love with her, and I mean deeply
in love,
more then she will ever know. I have a tendency to do that with
most woman
I meet and go out with, it is just one of those problems I must
deal with.
What I am trying
to say is that I am not falling in love with you, you
have no worries there. You have a good marraige and two great
kids, I
would never want to get in the way of that. What I am saying
is that is
I need a Woman to understand what I am going through, and that
is I know
deep down inside I will never have a successful relationship
with a woman.
Don't get me wrong I love woman very much, I'm no fag if that's
what
you think, in my opionion they can all go fuck themselves. I
dont mind
people being different races, different colors, or different
religions,
but when a person is not straight, count me out on liking that
person,
just my feelings. I know now that I will never Marry and I will
never
have children, both of which I most desperatly want, because
I know it
would make my life all that more meaningful. What I am not saying
is that
I don't find you a turnoff though, I find you incredily attractive
and
Boy Oh Boy, if I or you were ten years older or younger, I wouldn't
wait
a second to make my move on you. You know I am not a pervert
or anything,
because if I was I would of tried something on you years ago.
I hope I am
not scaring you by writing this to you, I would not do anything
to harm
you or anybody, you know that. But everyday when I see you I
can help
myself but wonder what It would be like to be with you, yes sexually,
but more importantly, emotionally.
Yes, sex is
one of the most important things in a relationship to me
and to most persons, but if you cant link with someone emotionally
in a
relation- ship, its not worth it. God I hate writing this, it
is so hard
even to write it down, it would be impossible to say it to you.
It kills
me everyday to see you and wonder what it would be like to be
with you.
I know everybody has fantasies about most people that they are
around,
its normal. You probably hate to admit it and probably never
would, but
admit that you have had a fantasy about me. Maybe not I dont
know, but
most people do have them. I am not asking you for anything, because
it
would ruin our relationship that we have now and would complicate
things
further more. I just wanted to tell you my feelings about you,
before
I told you upfront and scared you, which is the last thing I
want to do.
I just wonder
sometime what It would be like to make mad passionate
love with you, to make you're every dream come true, and to fulfill
you like no other man ever has. It is something I think about
when I am
at work, why do you think I spend a lot of time around you. And
why do
you think I like bugging you all the time, because I cannot get
enough
of your attention. You probably notice that I don't ever hardly
look
at you much, because when I do. all I think of is you and I together.
You know how tough it is when you give me a neck massage, I swear,
and I'm not lying. Every time you do that, I walk away with a
Hard On,
No Kidding. That is what you do to me, you drive me nuts sometimes,
I just wonder what it would be like to sneek away somewhere at
work
and make love to you, but I know you're not into quickies. But
just to
be with you would probably kill me, it has been very long since
I made
love to a woman, if you can beleive it, it has been over 5 years
now,
god its been over three years since I even kissed a woman.
I hope you
understand my feelings toward you now, I am very glad I
have told you this, and maybe I can get on with my life in the
way of
having a meaningful relationship. I'm sorry if I have hurt you
in anyway
by writing this to you, but it had to be said.
From your
dearest friend.
Kevin |